Let’s Play Dungeons of Dredmor – #1

September 27, 2011 Leave a comment

ALL OF THEM UPDATES

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment

Sorry for the long wait, but in any case several new updates have been posted. As well, the “Let’s Play” page has been reorganized. I also hope to have a few new LPs posted on the site in the coming weeks.

Categories: Administrator Notice, News

Pokémon Quartz – #56

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment

****, I’m still here.


I guess I’d better be proactive and try to find some way out of this hellhole…


Ugh… hi?

How did she get in my house…?


You’re like half an inch taller than me…




Sweet, maybe I can leverage that for favors? Like a ride back to civilization…


MORE CRAP!



At this point I would ride a raft of goddamned Babos’ to get out of here…




…screw you.


So I guess I’d better find something to do before the next boat leaves or something, eh?


Wait…

…who the **** is AKANE?


Well, unless you trademarked my name they can name whatever they damn well want after me.



Oh god, that pirate ****er has his own show now… WHAT THE HELL, CORNA?



Good for you, I guess?



Before I leave…


Oh god.

W-where’s Baro?



HE’S EVERYWHERE. D:

Six hours later…


How come I’ve never noticed this before?


Sure, privacy schmivacy…


Wait, what.


What the hell, mom, I’m only fourteen.


I don’t even want to know anymore; screw you, mom.


Alright, time to screw around before the SS Steven is ready to leave…


I know, we’ve met. You were busy ranting about capi-


Yeah, that… exactly that.



…what the christ, this is the same as before…


No.

I’m the strongest.

I have all the strength.


Is this island outside of Corna? If so, count me in!



…what?



GOODBYE, COR-


Well that was anticlimactic… are you sure we’ve left Corna?


Yes, this small bit of shoreline tells us everything we need to know about this island.

Seriously, what the hell?


Ugh… no.


YOU HAD BETTER, OR I WILL SIC UNHOLY BEAR ON YOU.

Sorry about that.


Look! Grass! Will the wonders ever cease?


I thought this was some sort of deserted island? Who the hell puts a sign on an uninhabited island?


Yeah, I don’t know either.



WHO’S PLACING ALL OF THESE NONSENSICAL, CRYPTIC KOANS EVERYWHERE?


…the he-


Holy ****.

A Pokemon from Corna (or maybe not) that doesn’t disgust me on some level…

I MUST HAVE IT.


Crap.


Take that, you cute little masked bird thing!


Goddamn.

Several hours later.


I’VE GOT YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, I’VE ****ING GOT YOU!



It looks like a sage? Says who?

In any case, give this little guy a nickname and such.

Pokémon Quartz – #55

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment


Okay, this time asses will be kicked.

…by me.


YOU’RE GOING DOWN, YOU FEATHERY-HAT-WEARING BASTARD.



Drowning – the Republican way.


Oh, that guy went down too.



WHO NEEDS POTIONS? TEH-PRO DOESN’T.


And pop goes the wease-

…electric-bug sort of thing?



I’m pretty sure we’ve been through this thing before.


Now time to destroy a little girl.



Utterly destroy her, I meant.


I’m starting to become strangely numb to this sort of thing and it’s troubling…


Yeah, this hamster isn’t going to be much of a probl-


Mother****er.

It still went down, though…


Why is that octopus wearing a paper bag?



REPUBLICANS COMMAND THE ELEMENTS.


Well this’ll take…


…a professional.


More Egyptian ducks.



Republicans are good at taking out Egyptians.

This might be some sort of political statement… but I don’t even know.


Yes. yes I have.




And thanks for the ******** speech.


That is true. It’s just skill. My skill.


I… was planning to?


My team’s looking a tad rough – it’s a good thing I’m carrying like two million dollars worth in healing items.


See?


Oh god no.

It’s this ****er.


YOU ABANDONED ME IN A CAVE WITH GODDAMNED GOD OF CHAOS!


NOT THAT YOU WERE THERE TO CONFIRM FOR YOURSELF!


WELL THANK YOU FOR THE-

Wait… why did you yell that last word?


…’cristal’…?

And what’s with the ice if you like battling in the air?

Crazy bastard.


And my style is winning, old man.


Err… it’s winning…

It’s nice that you listen.


Why are you grinning like that?


I kind of want to leave you in a dangerous place without your cane, damned old man.



Two for the price of one – awesome.



You are most definitely not the word.


I’m starting to see why this guy ran away from the God of Chaos, this guy is seriously barely putting up a fight.


And another bird.


WE ARE ON THE GROUND, MAN.



I NEVER TAKE THESE GOGGLES OFF, WHAT THE HELL.

Do my goggles look strong?


You should really be giving them the warning.


And of course they pump magma up to the surface… this is in no way dangerous and could never backfire.

…actually it could – horribly, in fact.

I’d better move on quickly.


I… guess?


And my final obstacle before freedom.


“Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?” he muttered sarcastically.



I’m glad they have warm fireplaces, but that is neither here nor there.


Wait, this explains so much.

You fought in the Cornian Civil War… on the winning side… BARO’S SIDE.

I’ve got to get out of here…


As long as it’s with you and not Baro, I’m fine.

Baro isn’t here, is he?


WHY IS YOUR FACE LOPSIDED?


There’s seriously something wrong with your face, girl…


And that thing’s face, too…


Never mind.


Hey there, Spider-Thing.


I’ll miss you, Spider-Thing.


…I don’t have a clue.

Seriously, what the hell is this supposed to be? A Grappling Squid?


Well, ****.


Alrighty, then.


What. The. ****.

That is all I have to say on the matter.


Only one thing left to do…


You will be missed (until you are revived), Roco…



Effective enough…



Republicans always win.

Except when they have a low approval rating.


No. It must be said.


Wait, what.


How many goddamned champions are there, then?


Well that’s a great way to reward my hard work.



So you’re just throwing me up against whoever happens to be here? Thank you. Thank you very much…

…jerkass.


…alright.


Another hallway, how origi-


How long is this damned thing?



Oh god is this going to like those stairs!? I CAN’T SPEND HOURS JUST WALKING FORWA-


Oh.



Not nearly long enough…


Not really, it sounds like you already have a shitton of them.



…okay?


Oh.

Good for you, I guess?


We were telling stories? Okay, why not.


MY FINAL CHALLENGE!

At least I hope so…


Annie likes to keep a dog with a keg around its neck – this is good to know.


ENJOY SOBRIETY, *****.



****ing dragons…



Scraping by is how the champions do it.



Freech. Corna’s biggest *******.

I’m not even joking.

Freech is so .



I ****ing told you so.


Brrrd.

THE MOTHER****ING WORD.


And the legend continues.


I hate cats…




DOUBLE HYPER BEAM ALL THE WAY.


Oh god it’s-

Oh god I-

Sorry about that…


Now there’s nothing left of that…

…thing.


Oh yeah, the battle.




I dunno. A wet towel probably could have beaten Band Ambar if they had been motivated enough.



How do you check your chances?



That’s a ****** poem.


You should write the manual or something.


…Cornian Idol?


OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD


Yes, yes it is. Now there’s no reason for you to be here anymore so I guess you’ll just be on your way-


Wait, what.


WHY THE SUDDEN FACERAPE?



OHGODWHY!?

BARO’S HERE.

And he was watching me…


…so you’re not going to use your sorcery on me for escaping your clutches?


My… sanity?

I still have some of that, I think…


That sorcerous stare…


I do not, Master Baro.



Yes I did, Master Baro. Kicked the bad guys.


Oh god, what just happened?

I feel dirty…


Hah?


I stopped caring about that the moment you were out of my sigh-

I mean… I’ve been working very hard on that Pokedex of yours, Baro…



Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied. Please be satisfied.


And that means…?



Wait, what.

I didn’t come here to sing in some sort of Hall.


What, is the Time Vortex back there or something?


What? Is there something behind m-



Yeah, get the hell out of here, Ran…

Crazy stalker *****…


And of course this is where my phone steps in – the traitor.



I guess I can comfort myself knowing that this is the last time this will ever happen.


…okay?

I think mine is more disastrous, but whatever.


Yeah, Ran! You’d better light yourself on fire or something to help with that. Y’know… to clear my mind and ****.


Alright, I’m finally on my way out of this region…

Unless I’m completely wrong about how this region works…


Oh god the floor is so very shiny…

…so very shiny.





…is this some sort of porn thing?

I need an adult, I think.


I don’t want to sing, though…




By singing? Sure, why not.


DOO DOO DOODOODOO!


ROCO! THE ELF-PILLAR OF TREMORS.


R. NIXON! THE REPUBLICAN DRAGON OF POLITICS.


YAHTZEE! THE QUEEN OF BOARD GAMES.


UNHOLYBEAR! THE-

…moving on.


TEH-PRO! THE GOOFY HORSE OF PROFESSIONALISM.


BRRD! THE WORD.



AND STEVEN! THE-

Well me.


Oh god, what the hell is happen-


Pokémon Quartz – #54

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment


Alright, alright, Halty McLoudYell.



Goody…


Sure, why not.


And already I find myself repeating: “Goody…”



Ooh… impressive?


Oh ****.

It’s the guy who had me running around that damnable cavern for so long.


Was there some sort of meeting I wasn’t invited to?


Notice how he says “highest” and not “strongest”, which is probably a sign of something.



…what?

Dude… Water beats Rock… Grass Beats Rock… Ground beats Rock… even goddamned Fighting beats Rock.

You should invest in a good type-chart…


That’s usually how it goes.


There’s… something quite wrong with that hand of yours, Roco…


PUT IT DOWN ALREADY!




I don’t really want to know what he drained from that pillar…


Nice to see that this battle is going to be full of twists and turns.


What.

WHERE IS HE GETTING THE SLUDGE?

I don’t think I want to know, now that I think about it…



Err… pop goes the pillar?


THAT. IS. NOT. A. ****ING. ROCK.

I still blame the Advicer.[/URL]


Rocks don’t do that.


Rocks do that, though.



No mere tree-rock-thing can stand before the RAGE OF THE DRAGON.


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-


****ing ridiculous, man…


Alright, let’s see if-



…there are no words…



Damn.

****ing.

Straight.


…and that sense of accomplishment sure disappeared quickly.



I guess Brrrd really is the word.


That probably could have gone a tad smoother…


Thanks for reminding me, jerkas-

PUT DOWN THE FINGER, *******.


I guess so, Mr. Burns.


Obviously the worst is the second of four, it makes so much sense.


Time for round two I guess…


Alright, now I-

…wait.


HOW THE **** DID THE DOOR CLOSE? WHY DID THE DOORS CLOSE?

Just keep moving forward and stop thinking about it, Steven…


Yeah, kind of… what with you being a little kid and all.


…and a little kid.



Quite an imagination you have there…


Okay, that’s just a tad disturbing…


Unless you have a time machine it’s still you.


Your… uh… face is a tad askew…

I guess Corna doesn’t have plastic surgeons.


So… your legs are a little far apart there… how’s that going?


Why is that thing’s tongue coming out of its ass?


LOCALIZED SEISMIC ACTIVITY IS AWESOME.


…not quite that awesome, I guess.



Farewell, my friend. I shall miss you.

[size=” at least.



Oh ****.


THE RAGE OF THE DRAGON SHALL SCOUR THE EARTH ON WHICH YOU STAN-



Finally…


I guess hamsters are catching on?


It’s exactly what it looks like…


****ing hamsters and their dolls…



BOOM?


…not so boom.


TEH-PRO is not just a pro, he’s also an ace…



THE MOON CAN’T BE IN HERE BECAUSE IT’S IN ORBIT.



Okay, okay, I can still win this…



…probably…



…that’s just peachy.


And now there’s a duck-pyramid.


Diving almost always works, I guess.


Damn.


Goddamn.


GODDAMN IT TO HELL.


…I didn’t mean it literally…


I’ll be back, and when I do…


…it won’t be pretty…

…for them, obviously. I’m always pretty.

Pokémon Quartz – #53

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment

Wow, that was some serious training – it would have fit right into a generic sports movie from the ’80s if I had been blasting some power rock.


Oh god this must be some delayed reaction to the local flora.


Oh ****, the trees have become sentient and are now-

No. That is too ridiculous – even for Corna.

But still…


…or it could have something to do with that familiar-looking house…


Welp, nothing to do but take an uneventful step into-


Oh ****, it’s a cough!


Not that my phone would know…



Wait a second… that voice seems awfully familiar…


Oh not this joker again.





Wait, when did I agree to anything?


Smooth, real smooth…


Why not, it’s not like it’ll be difficult or anything. I’ll probably have to put square pegs into square holes or some **** like that.




Wait, a quiz? Already? I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE TEXTBOOK YET.



…do I feel a draft in here?*

*Because he broke the fourth wall and there’s a draft, get it?


Ugh… is it that first thing?




THANK GOD FOR MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS!


WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-


NONONONONONONONONONONONONO-


No.


WILL SOMEONE PLEASE FIX THE WALLS IN HERE!




What.

I’m no linguist, how am I supposed to even…

Ugh… whatever – is it the one that sounds like ‘colon’?


Goddammit, multiple choice questions.


Oh god, here comes the rape.


…or that, I guess.


At least this time I have an idea of what the answer for the second one is going to-


I hate this ****ing place.


Is it the one with the thinly veiled sorcerer hiding near the end?


Joy.



****ing linguistics…


Is it the really short one?


And apparently I speak Icelandic or Galician, or whatever.


I don’t know, is it?


I guess it is.


So now I need to know multiple dialects? I just don’t even anymore.


Is it the one with the audible accent over the letter?


Foreign languages always have **** like that, it’s common knowledge.


…that wind really is raging, someone should patch that wall soon before the entire ****ing building collapses.


DEAR GOD HOW MANY WALLS IS THIS PLACE EVEN BUILT WITH – IT KEEPS BREAKING THEM.


Is it the silliest sounding one?


Another fact – all foreign words sound silly. All of them.


…I’m laughing already.




What.

What.

What.

WHY COULDN’T ALL THE QUESTIONS BE THIS EASY, GODDAMMIT.

Also, technically he only has four – and one thumb… unless… oh god.


Thank god.




So now my phone thinks it understands the Sorcerer’s Tongue? Sure, why not.


Random. ****ing. Guessing.


Sure, that sounds plausible.


Yeah, like I’ll be coming back for next time.



You have to love rewards… I guess.




Again, I won’t be…


Oh god what fresh hell is this?


GODDAMMIT JAVIER AND YOUR SORCEROUS EXITS.



No, we aren’t doing this **** all over again Javier. You’re going to let me leave now.



Javier, **** you man, **** you.


Oh thank god, no annoying quizes.


Oh dammit, annoying trainers.


With Pokemon that can’t dodge rocks.


You certainly have a high opinion of yourself for someone who got lost in some maniac’s basement.


Thanks… I guess.


I DON’T WANT THIS.

But it’s ever so shiny…


You’re making this **** far too complicated…





I guess you did, at that.


And failing at it, remember that.




My phone’s grasp of the Sorcerer’s Tongue is tenuous at best.


I… pushed the walls.







I blame the shiny ****ing mail.


Oh god I hope this ****’s over…


Get away from me, you succubus!


You know, once you stop fighting it the void is actually quite pleasan-


This place again…


Yes… that’s why… then I’ll just be on my way…




Okay I’ll just-


****.


Why must he continue toying with me?



…he tried to hide behind a window.

I just don’t know anymore, I just don’t.


Ugh…


This just aren’t going to get better, are they?


Sorcery, I’d imagine.


Asskickery, I’d imagine.


Aww man, he got you too, Imakuni? That’s too bad…


How does that thing see?


Everything in Corna is a bad sign, when you think about it.


Good luck with that, I guess.:/



Oh thank god, I can’t allow another tantalizing mail seduce me…




I guess your prediction comes true if you make it come true, then…


STOP WATCHING ME.



Why is the password yelling at me…?


What you don’t know could fill several books, phone.


Your big no’s cannot save you now, Javier.



Neat.




Oh god, please no…


Wait, what.

I’m outside…

IS THIS SOME SORT OF TRICK?


Oh god he’s plotting…



Wait, boulders… why?




Pacience and Science are horrible names for people, I don’t even know…


No need to hurry on my behalf… none at all.


Freedom, it tastes so sweet…

Oh yeah… where was I?


****’s about to get real.

Pokémon Quartz – #52

September 11, 2011 Leave a comment


No, not Bob. BOB, there are more chances for acronym-related fun that way.

I guess…


WATERFALL ASCENSION AWAY!


…or not.

I guess I should just head for the exit before I’m jumped by another creature of chaos.


Speak of the devil. The devil that also happens to be a little annoying *****.


I really haven’t been keeping track…


I have my doubts, man.

So many doubts.




What.

What.

No.

That can’t be.

There’s no way.

Absolutely no way.

THERE.

IS.

NO.

MOTHER****ING.

WAY.

THAT.

YOU.

COULD.

HAVE.

GOTTEN.

HERE.

BEFORE.

ME.



…and the Elite Four aren’t trainers?

What are they then…?

Oh my god.

They’re sorcerous constructs, aren’t they?


Seriously, this kid got this far?

I don’t even know…


Wait, what the ****?


Just a-


-fluke?

…this can’t be real…


It looks like we’re getting on the right track, finally.


This hamster doesn’t look that tough.


See? Not that tough at all.


Huh?


What.


What.


What.


What.


What.


What.


What.


What.


STOP WITH THE SELECTIVE AMNESIA SCHPEEL, *****, AND PREPARE FOR YOUR IMMINENT DEFEAT.


That’s more like it.


So much more like it, man.


I don’t even want to know why that mechanical thing has a couple of mohawks.

The answer would surely involve sorcery of some kind…


There is not enough brain bleach in the world…


Now there are two of them?

No problem.


Especially when I fight dirty.


STOP SPLITTING INTO TWO, DAMMIT, IT’S FRUSTRATING.


…so frustrating.


No mere hamster can stand against the Word.


IT IS ALL TOO TRUE, MAN.

UNLIKE THE FIRST TIME, WHICH NEVER HAPPENED.



Wait, what? You’re going to walk all the way back through this godforsaken cave when the other end is right behind me?


Enjoy getting jumped by some creatures of chaos…


Wait…


WHY COULDN’T I HAVE JUST SCALED THE DAMNED CLIFF?



And of course there’s more door-related sorcery.


Oh god, I hope there aren’t gates past this one. That would just be ****ing tragic


So this is where Baro stores his strongest sorcerous constructs, eh?


Not nearly as… sorcerer-ish as I had imagined…


All that’s left to do is some hardcore off-screen training – with increased gravity and ****, I guess.