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Pokémon Quartz #45


…this is exactly what I needed before plunging into the deep without any sort of breathing apparatus…


…unless you count a diving bird that is…

Oh man, that knee-high water looks interesting.


Nope, it’s just wet… and swampy.

And screw you Baro and your color-coded swamps!


Err… they aren’t here… because they’re in the water?

What am I standing in, then?


…shouldn’t you be interested in the trees then? Y’know… birds?


Holy ****, that isn’t a bird. No way is that a bird.



WELL NOW IT IS A DEAD NOT-A-BIRD.


WHY AM I BEING SCREWED WITH? THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR A BIRDKEEPER TO HAVE AN UNHOLY BEAR. NOT ONE.


Even unholy bears cannot stand before the might of Roco.


demand he be stripped of his title of ‘Bird Keeper’.


That is no excuse, they’re in the goddamn trees.




Birds don’t live in rocks man… actually very few things live in rocks… very few.


A moleman…



Err… that’s like saying it’s best to plant a tree in a volcano, man.

Also: haha, no.


So… he’s a moleman with strange ideas, then? 


Wow, nothing about this guy is matching up with anything. There’s definitely sorcery afoot.


Eared Pillar > Earless Pillar

It has been added to the type chart.




…how? 

It’s like half a meter deep…


Well I guess you can’t argue with results… but still…


I guess you did.


Good luck with that, you strange, strange man.


Nope, I have better things to do with my ti-


…why do you hate me so? 


Ditch Sea… the hell?



‘For get them’?



So your submarine isn’t good enough then?


Wait… I didn’t refuse…

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-


Sorry, crazy man, but I’m a human.


I told you… I am human.



YOU DARE POISON BRRRD? DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT SHE IS THE WORD?


I’m still not happy about this. 


I don’t know what to make of you…


Time to test this out.


Oh ****, I made a mistake didn’t I? 




I’m alive? :O

…odd… but good, I guess?



How big is this swamp, exactly?


Big enough to contain your day’s supply of vitamins and minerals, apparently.



I wonder why I don’t see any Pokemon down here, you’d think they would be just as common as on the surface.


Grass.


Underwater grass.

…what the ****?




DENTED ROCKS, YAY?



WHY IS BARO SCREWING WITH ME LIKE THIS? 


Back to the deep. 


Well that was… educational? 



More education, I guess.


Err…


That’s… useful?

Why is Baro placing cans in the ocean…?



What… fishing, really?


Err… alright let’s see this demonstration.



…you didn’t expect to get your ass kicked, did you?



I’m a little tired of being told I’m underwater… I CAN SEE THAT FOR MYSELF INTERNAL GPS.


I dunno… you have to kind of like Pokemon to be a ‘fan’.


Oh damn, he’s going to have a bunch of weak Pokemon, isn’t he?


…or not.



Oh ****!


It was for the best. 


Party…? Fishing line…? 


Well…


I’ll just slip by here and leave you to your ‘dance’…


Not another one of these

I thought dancing fishing lines were bad…


So is being sexually attracted to rocks a requirement for becoming a miner in Corna?





You’d think that miners would have Pokemon related to mining in some way – not turtles, kangaroos, phallic symbols, and bears of an unholy persuasion.


But at least you have your rocks… right? D:


You’ve got to love it underwa-

Wait… 

hate it down here. ****ING HATE IT.


Funny, this Sea looks more like an open expanse of water than a ditch, odd.


WHO NAMES THESE PLACES?


Great… err… absence of a reason.


“Dwayne” and “extreme” just don’t mesh well for me…


You have something to say to me, punk? 


Damn straight.


Isn’t the ocean just one big mess of currents? I’m pretty sure you’ll stumble across one sooner or later.

Or drown, I don’t really care.


I don’t even want to consider what sort of geological event contributed to this thing’s formation…


Holy crap, more cans! I’ve never been so excited!

Except in pretty much any other situation I’ve been in.


Dragon > Awkward Teenager.

/end argument


Except it’s less of a surfing board and more of a… odd shape you happen to be standing on. I dunno.


Don’t people usually surf around beaches… not gross swamps? 



Oh I see what you did there…

Not horribly funny though.



THERE WILL BE MORE WAVES, WHY MUST YOU RESORT TO VIOLENCE?



AND SUCH A PITIFUL ATTEMPT AT VIOLENCE, TOO.


It’s my wave now, *****.



The ocean is full of goddamn waves… 



Oh ****, his legs are open and everything. 

I DON’T SWING THAT WAY, REED!


STOP BEATING, REED, IT’S WRONG. THE OCEAN CAN’T WASH AWAY YOUR SINS.


Yeah, do it at home… not here. 


FFFFFFFFF-


I might be more compliant, as long as you don’t resort to viole-


****!



Shouldn’t have thrown your sperm-Pokemon at me, then.



Maybe next time you’ll take your own advice, and not try to beat the sex from me?


And I should be impressed? I’M BALANCING ON A MOTHER****ING DRAGON,





And who’s still balancing on a mother****ing dragon? ME! 


I would be more concerned with avoiding Babos’. They can swim now, y’know.



Well I guess I’ll have to trust my internal GPS’ assertion that this part of the ocean DOES NOT EXIST.

Then what am I surfing on?



Wha-? 



I still don’t… what?



Not me, I just dream of getting the **** out of this region. THE **** OUT.


Despite there being at least a dozen in sight? I find that hard to believe… 


That’s the problem with you Cornians, that’s all you think about.



I’m smart enough to know when Yahtzee isn’t enough…

Time for…



Damn straight.


Everyone always faces the truth in the end…



Well I would have preferred to have never experienced any harsh challenges at all…


Well at least it exists… even if it’s filthy.

But why does it look the same as the other seas…?


I’m going to hazard a guess here and say… boobs. Definitely the boobs.


Again: it’s them boobs.

They haunt our dreams.


What, did I offend y-

Awww hell, who am I trying to fool? She would have battled me either way.



Again… it isn’t the bathing suit, it’s what’s underneath. So you may be correct…



Maybe you should get the hell out, then? Just a thought.


Gwah!?



Stop complaining then, you idiot.


I would really prefer not…


But I obviously did.

Are you saying I look weak?


That ass? Yeah, I saw him.



Well maybe he should stop making up **** then?


Maybe you should ride a dragon? It’s what any sensible person with a reasonable measure of badass would do.


What, were yours raised by plankton?




…Best not to dwell on it, Steven.


Oh yay, two mores. 


Wait… what… She’s facing the other direction, though. 


But… they aren’t synchronized… 


Yeah, whatever.


I just don’t want to deal with any more strange ocean people…


Wow, these people really got gypped in the naming department, didn’t they? No one wants to vacation in a place named for being dirty…


…I suppose it’s for the best though.


Alright… I need to go… err… do something.

Not crying in a corner, of course, that would be ridiculous.

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  1. DRAGIIIN123
    August 22, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    CAN I DO A QUARTZ LET’S PLAY TOO.

  2. DRAGIIIN123
    August 23, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Anyways, great let’s play man.

  3. DRAGIIIN123
    September 20, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    How bout you UPDATE FUCK

  4. yuoaman
    September 20, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    …my first angry response, good stuff.

  5. October 2, 2010 at 1:10 am

    UPDATE?!?

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