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Pokémon Raptor #8

Oh how I love the warm feeling that victory gives me.

Let’s see what others think of my great success. 


Screw you stranger, screw you.


I guess I should see if I can go grab that item that those *******s blocked off earlier. 


I never get tired of jumping off of cliffs. 


WHAT ARE YOU? AND WHERE ARE YOUR ARMS?


Some questions aren’t meant to be answered, apparently.


D’awww…

You’re so gosh-darned adorable that I’m not going to question you living in this environment.



HE IS QUITE A FUN ELEPHANT, JUST LOOK AT HIS NAME.

I caught these too, though they were not quite as adorable:




It is quite the original name, is it not?



I’m on fire today! 


IT STILL HAS NO ARMS!


WHAT SORT OF NATURAL SELECTION WOULD ALLOW YOU TO SURVIVE?


We are finally united, my sweet…


No complaints. 


Oh god! 

Massive level spikes are not okay!

Well… this looks like a job for…



Hooters has the most destructive power of them all…

THAT OF THE FORCED NAP! 


I like my chances. 



Who says that a Pokemon can’t be named Bill? 


TREASURE!


I already caught one of you…

There is no need for you to exist anymore. 




Alright… you can exist.






This doesn’t look like evolution…





Apparently… if you spin your Pokemon around real fast… they evolve. 

That’s something that could come in handy…



Say hello to your promotion, SGT.Twigz


It looks like I’m nearly done with this pla-


I’m sorry but you strike me as someone who might be… more at home in a cave… 


Apparently it doesn’t much care for being questioned…





Screw you. 


No… I just backtracked all the way back here for some small talk… of course I want you to heal my Pokemon.


F*** you too, lady.


I wonder what lies yonder west…


I could also climb it… but apparently my body is incapable of doing anything without a Pokemon.


Screw the west, yonder east is so much better.

I hope.


Murder it before the tipsy bear vomits all over my new shoes, Hooters!


Good boy. 


‘Whoop’…? 

And I’m not a real fan of hide and seek… I prefer blunt force trauma.


Did you just change?



Beaks>Bugs


HUFF


I think you would be better off quitting while you’re ahead.


My gut is telling me that a scientist might like to resear-


Another time, perhaps.


It’s a gift of mine, don’t fear me. 


I didn’t call Phanpy out on this because of its appearance… but you… You just don’t belong, Girafarig.


So… you’re saying that I can’t hear anything? That’s good to know. 


I DIDN’T HEAR YOUR CHALLENGE SO I DON’T NEED TO BATTLE YOU!

And are all musicians in Tolulaxaba named Kurt?


Let’s see how Hooters handles this… 


That is how he handles it. 


The result of this is a foregone conclusion…


W-what?

You were the one who brought up a blowout… 

What is a blowout?


That might help… but I don’t know whether you can stop sucking by just trying harder… 


There’s always more grass, apparently…


Did anyone else just notice that the level spike disappeared?


DAMNIT!


I seriously don’t know how I’m finding this ****…


I was this close to the next town?

Why the hell did I backtrack? 


Well… it seems my internal GPS is working correctly…

What kind of name is ‘Branchtrake’, though?

And what’s a ‘trake’?


Am I? 


Did she really need to point this building out to me?

I mean… it’s a building with a ton of bikes by it, and a sign that says-


-which implies that it’s a bike shop… or it’s a very misleading sign.

I hope it isn’t a misleading sign.




Why are the police officers wearing green? 


That isn’t very descriptive… And what constitutes a ‘punk’?


Well that’s typically what the police do. 

Though Steven disagrees for some reason…

I hate it when people talk in ellipses… 



I’m not prejudiced against certain groups of people, so I don’t call people ‘punks’.

What I’m getting at is: no, I haven’t.



Since you haven’t given an actual description I doubt I can do that…


Again with the ellipses…


Why the hell would you think that someone who randomly walks in would know what was going on?

…I’m starting to understand what Steven was getting at…





Err… not overly…



Did you hear me? I said no.

F***ing crazy police.


So… he’s a “Punk-looking Pokemon Trainer”?

THERE MUST ONLY BE ONE PERSON IN THE AREA WHO COULD POSSIBLY FIT THAT DESCRIPTION.


So… you’re saying that the Teiroxayan police are incompetent?

Holy **** was Steven spot-on.



I thought he was a punk? 



Well wasn’t that a descriptive sign.


did read the sign.




I usually make Pokemon forget moves to learn better moves… so no.


I’ll keep that in mind.



So… you didn’t get a warranty?

Moron.


Why don’t you then?

Moron.



I guess I don’t have to, then. 




I remember a time when bikes were bikes and you didn’t have to decide on whether you wanted to go fast and risk horrible injury or go at a crawl so you could control it… 


So the thief was caught out on Route-

WAIT! WAIT!


THE MAP IS WRONG! WE MUST CONTACT A CARTOGRAPHER!

And shouldn’t the police be apprehending the thief? 


I was lied to… 


Did you just call yourself a punk?

And I defended you…


You need some sort of reference for that statement to work…

And I get the feeling that something is trying to… ‘minimize’ me in some fashion…


I’m Mark.

Who are you?


I didn’t say anything even remotely like that…


did tell you my name… 


How can people tell just by looking at me?



You do realize that you’re like three times my size, right? You could just punch me and I’d probably back off… Moron…

And wasn’t it a bicycle that he had…?


This is quite possibly the worst pairing possible… 


This is a job for Hooters. 


…or not…


SGT. Twigz can do it, though. 


The bike’s wheels look fine from here…

I think I just knocked out your Absol. 


Because nothing can stand up to the might of Twigz?


Nice to know that you’re a quitter…


Where the f*** where you before?

Seriously… He was literally standing just outside of town.

Steven is just sounding more and more sane every minute…


I haven’t seen a police station in this place as of yet… 



I sure hope I told him my name and it just slipped my mind…



I guess I’ll just-


WHY MUST I SUFFER THE ABYSS!? 


That’s nice… but why did the policeman knock me out!? 


Does it frequently use hallucinogenic drugs?


It’s good that I can handle CAVEs with my new BIKE, I suppose…


It’s a bike… how much taking care of does it need…

…unless…

…unless it’s a living bike.


THE ABYSS CAN’T WIPE AWAY WHAT I HAVE LEARNED!


Err…

I can’t remember quite what wa-

Oh yeah… the living bike… 


Well… err…

I guess I’ll need a name for this bike before I head out. 

I don’t know whether it would be offended at being called a bike…

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