Oh god I don’t have Waterfall yet.
-ONE UNDOCUMENTED TREK THROUGH THE CLOUDY DARKNESS-
…how the **** did I get here?
Seriously – there’s a pretty sizable chunk of my day gone…
I guess I’ll just look around… and check if maybe there’s some sort of explanation for this.
WATCH ME CLIMB TO THE HEAVENS!
Or just ascend what should have, by all rights, absolutely nothing for R. Nixon.
And suddenly… balloon… tentacle… guy…?
THAT THING IS INTELLIGENT?
A more fitting name – suggested by the LP Group.
How the hell does a waterfall form this way? There is no logic in th-
…oh yeah… Corna.
If I see any more of these subterranean clouds I’ll need some sort of half-assed explanation.
You’re going to insult me, aren’t you?
Yeah, no – you freaking mental patient.
Wait, did we just battle? I didn’t even notice…
Also, what kind of potion is made out of wings?
So it’s sorcery, is it now?
I’d love to, but-
STOP GIVING AWAY MY USELESS ****, PHONE!
It’s not in its nest because it was taken out? Good to know.
And how the hell did she get her hands on this anyway?
…and she turns away.
I don’t want to anger any Aztec ghosts, so I might as well return this thing.
OH GOD THE SAND IS IN MY EYES.
And suddenly ice for no adequately explained reason – good old Corna.
It would have been pretty damned tragic if Roco couldn’t destroy rocks by just staring at them.
Who was it that wanted this, aga-
Hey there, you silly, silly Frenchman.
Yeah… don’t call me that.
Aren’t I already watching? Or is that why you’re providing me with narration?
I don’t care! I don’t care!
I’m not doing sit, Frenchi-
Why this, now?
Sorry, but Heart Isn’t Really An Awesome Power.
…only not as cool.
What the hell is a “rumfle”?
Anyway, I guess it’s off to face the… err… best, I suppose, that Corna has to offer.
Olimpic…? Eh, I just don’t care enough to nitpick that.
Ascending toward the heavens and all that nonsense.
The village of awkward phrasing, more like.
And that’s stopped me before…?
DAMN THAT BARO AND HIS DOOR-SEALING SORCERIES.
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.
DOES THIS MEAN I CAN LEAVE?
I am STEVEN! Now get me the hell out of this place.
Wait, are these the same capitalists involved in the conspiracy to keep people who can’t afford skates out of northern Corna?
…so they’re manipulating the time vortex to make more money from their capitalist schemes? THOSE DASTARDLY FIENDS!
Being so close to the time vortex for so long must screw with your perception of the present or some ****…
Maybe when the risk is worth it…
Onward, I guess.
THIS ROAD IS VICTORIOUS OVER OTHER ROADS, NONE CAN STAND AGAINST ITS MIGHT.
THIS MUSHROOM IS VICTORIOUS OVER ALL OTHE-
Oh, I guess it’s just the road then.
What if I don’t want to be Consideer Weiner?
I’m sure the requirements for Cornian Champion are quite high…
DAMN YOU ROAD, YOU HAVE BESTED ME WITH YOUR DARKNESS.
Rocks and darkness… what fun.
Well, for now at least.
I doubt everything in Corna. Except the all-encompassing evil that is Baro, obviously.
I don’t have a word to properly convey my feelings right now…
And now you’re Tony the Tiger, fantastic.
Or fear, it depends.
So what? All my other battles meant nothing?
Jaume? That sounds like a sound you make when you eat something that shouldn’t be eaten.
Like Cornian cuisine.
And now there’s a stern elephant, why am I not surprised?
More devestation is always great. Always.
So… literally nothing was riding on this battle? Good to know.
I’m never complacent. I’m ever-vigilant.
How does evolution produce a nose like that…?
The answer is: it doesn’t.
I’d prefer to forget…
I have no experience with that, sadly.
Only me have good grammar in Corna.
Caves should all be lit by an indeterminate source so this **** doesn’t happen…
I still have no clue as to why this thing is made of cans…
So you’re all hermits, then?
Several times, probably.
How the hell does that talentless punk get ahead of me?
That sounded more like a question…
There are many misterious things in Corna. All can be traced back to Baro. All.
I HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER THE VICTORIOUS ROAD, I AM EMPEROR OF VICTORY.
Yes, yes I have.
Then how the hell did you even get this far?
How is this even a waterfall…?
At least it isn’t elbowing me…
THE GARISH TEXT BURNS MY RETINAS.
Oh god, now I’m blind.
How the hell does that thing open its mouth…?
So apparently this thing will destroy this thing in the past… or something, I guess.
Also, what the hell do you call some sort of aquatic Chaos god with the ability to travel through time?
Episode 20: I’ll See You in Hell, Carlos
Oh god. The suspense is killing me.
Well, I am pretty badass, after all.
Is it possible to opt out now o.o
HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE A BLACK, MYSTERIOUS SILHOUETTE!
Alligator versus lake monster.
Is anybody really surprised by this? I mean really.
I doubt anybody is surprised by this either.
I’m gonna cream you with my BIG.LOAD.
Okay, I’ve made that joke a few too many times…it’s probably time to stop ._.
Poor Gatorade D:
<_< Flatulence never really dies.
Time for Gatorade to do work!
Gatorade just BROUGHT OUT DA BROOMS!
I WON ^_^
I kind of feel like I’m god now.
Wait, who the hell are you?
BASK IN MY GLORY.
I AM GOD.
YO WHAT UP OAK MAH BOI
Yeah man. It’s been a while.
Actually, I’m gonna be in your region whenever Xephyr makes the sequel to this LP. It’s gonna be off the hook!
It’s been more of a sexual conquest than anything.
Love? Trust? I bounded and tortured them until they got good! What are you talking about?
Aaaaand now the LP ends and I go on living a happily life.
just kidding, there’s a plot twist, damn it.
If this is that ******, lab-coat wearing douche bag….
BASK IN MY GLORY!
I AM GOD!
You crushed the dreams of thousands of little children that wanted a regular name.
So I don’t feel bad.
Time for what?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS?!
Ah HELL no.
This is one of those situations…
That is bad to be in.
^kinda like that. Both situations are about equal in bad-ness.
Bromar does work. that is all.
Gatorade does work. that is all.
Man, Gatorade is like the finals mvp.
Well geez, this is has been relatively easy.
Oh ****. The bane of my existence.
This is it, Carlos. If I take out your Slowking, it’s all over.
Did I just see what I think I saw?
NumNums delivers the final blow for this entire LP?
It’s….almost poetic, really.
NOW I win…right?
Or is Douche gonna run up and challenge me too?
What don’t you understand?
I AM GOD
BASK IN MY GLORY
Oh god…what’s he gonna do to me?!?!?!
Eternity? That’s a long ass time. But,
I AM GOD
BASK IN MY GLORY
My Pokemon didn’t do ****, damn it. I did all the work!
I AM G-
I’m done with that.
Well, here we go guys, the final countdown to the end.
GATORADE, THE SPORTS BEVERAGE
BROMAR, THE COOL DUDE
NUMNUMS, THE USELESS TREE
BIG.LOAD, THE GUILTY PLEASURE
QUACK, THE…uh, I don’t even know what to describe him as.
FLATULENCE, THE…uh, don’t know what to say here either o.o
And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I conclude this Let’s Play.
Epilogue: ‘Sup, Kanto?
I’m going to be moving to Kanto now. Some lame town called Pallet Town. I’m not going to be taking my current team with me…instead, I’m taking along a group of 6 criminals I’ve caught during my travels here in Johto. Should be good stuff.
I guess I’ll see you all in Kanto!
Episode 18: The Fag 4 – Part 1
After the mindless **** involving Dragon Dens and the like (which I didn’t take any screens of, sorry ), I decide its time to get some real **** done. And by that, I mean going to the elite four…
Shut the hell up, lady. Anyway, it’s time for some BATTLES AND STUFF
What the hell am I even supposed to talk about here anymore? You guys all know the drill.
Random houses in the middle of nowhere? Why did I even take a screen of this?
I’m losing my touch, guys D:
Not exactly sure why I took a screen of this either, so I’m going to distract you all from how not-funny this is by posting a cool looking picture of raccoons:
She’s secretly just trying to get me to stay so she can get in my pants.
Depends on what you need help with.
You *****! This is trickery! Deceit! Murder!!! Well, actually, there’s no murder here. Irrelevant.
Oh you dirty little ****. Do I have to battle or something now? Good god.
It’s not that funny calm down god damn
Not if I kill your ass first
What are you talking about?! You just stole my badges!
Actually, all I do is win. Kinda like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU
Yes. Hand to hand combat.
Next person that calls me a kid gets killed. Swear to god.
Oh…you wanted a Pokemon battle. Well this is lame. I’ll win this too though.
Well that was rather painless.
I just creamed you with my BIG.LOAD
I hate people that have a common name but have it spelled differently.
Even though my name irl is Bryan.
So I shouldn’t be talking.
What a dumbass. Moving on.
Damn straight. No more obstacles, it’s just me and the Elite Four now. Time to do th-
Are you serious right now? A big ass CAVE? Why is Johto such a cruel place to me?
Grass? In the big ass cave? What the hell?
Spoiler alert: I’m using Parasect in the sequel to this LP.
Bears. I love bears.
Actually, I never understood that meme.
Nor will I ever.
Oh god this just got SO hot.
I can just imagine Jynx flying through the air at her opponent.
Her perky little boobs flopping around.
She slams onto the enemy…preferably a Tangela cause I’m into tentacles.
And then they make love.
And pure joy and sexual ecstasy ensues.
I wish I could feel the utter sexual bliss that they would feel.
Because I never will.
No one ever will.
REJOICE! I’M FINALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THIS!
So I looked up the levels of the trainers in the Elite Four and stuff. And they scared me.
So after ~1.5 hours of grinding, we arrive at my final team for the Shiny Gold X Let’s Play. Here it is. Bask in its glory:
It’s time to do this.
I would just like to take this time to thank everyone for inspiring me to do this.
Except Yuoaman, because he has a weird ass name.
Wow, you kind of look like a douche bag.
Wow, he is definitely a fag.
Which is why I’m officially calling these people the Fag 4 now.
BIG.LOAD is doing some work.
Come onnnn NumNums! Do something useful for once!
Once again, Tropius proves to be absolutely useless.
But I love him all the same ❤
Flatulence, on the other hand, is still an absolute boss.
Bromar doing work.
This is all going quite smoothly.
Yeah, we all know Quack has swagger.
Except for this weird cosplayer. I mean seriously.
Oh. Well darn it.
THAT. Is the question.
Now suck Bromar’s ****, enemy Jynx!
Bromar’s orgasm was so explosive that it made the Jynx faint.
And now an epic picture to build dramatic tension for the next episode.
Episode 19: The Fag 4 – Part 2
Good lord, it’s a guy surrounded by trees that are clearly not supposed to be mixing with these tilesets.
I thought ninjas were supposed to be cool.
^like that. THAT is cool.
Sounds like you’re gonna rape me…
All three are possible prerequisites to rape…
God I hate Forretress. It thinks it’s so cool setting up hazards and exploding and ****. Well you know what? You suck now, because Game Freak made Ferrothorn, and Ferrothorn is better than you will ever be.
This is one of those situations where living is preferred, Bromar.
GO, BIG.LOAD! USE YOUR RIGHTEOUS ICE PUNCHES OF FREEDOM!
The Venusaur freezes in sheer terror.
Oh god oh man oh jeez
****. If I have to spend multiple painful hours trying to kill you, I’m gonna be SO pissed.
Oh you dirty skank.
(as usual) Flatulence comes through!
Now, everyone, prepare for utter rage:
Luckily, NumNums has Magical Leaf and can, therefore, hit the bastard.
Oh good god. NumNums is destined to fail in every aspect of life.
TROPIUS ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING!
*falls into coma*
This is a bad situation for you to be in, Muk.
(insert obvious sex joke here)
I am XEPHYR of the AWESOME ALLIANCE
Damn straight. I’m not afraid of anything. Kinda like the old lady in this timeless children’s book classic:
I will what?
These Fag 4 members…I’m tellin’ ya…
Alright NumNums…this is your chance for redemption. You’re my BEST ANSWER to fighting types. CAN YOU COME THROUGH?
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! NUMNUMS ACTUALLY COMES THRO-
Screw you, Tropius.
(after about 4 minutes of spamming hypnosis+dreameater)
Well jeez, this has been a cakewalk so far.
…Not that I expected anything different.
You know, I’m contemplating making a joke about the lava, but Yuoaman already made a joke about that in his Quartz LP.
So it would seem like I’m copying him.
SIR YES SIR
Wait, why is that amusing?
…How did you find out that I’ve experimented with men?!
…Oh, you didn’t know that.
Well this is awkward.
(Disclaimer: I have never experimented with men in real life in any way, shape, or form. This statement is only to enhance the immature humor that is widely present in this LP.)
I love WOMEN’S GENITALS (trying to make it straight in here again).
…Yup. It’s officially straight in here again.
Okay, I swear, every member of the Fag 4 has extremely bizarre sexual innuendos present in their pre-battle comments.
Or maybe it’s just me.
****. The wall of all walls. The sponges of all sponges. The stone of all stones.
..I’m running out of things to describe Umbreon as…
Let’s look at Jessica Alba again.
Yep. There we go.
When in doubt, flinch hax. The golden rule of Pokemon.
Hey, guys, do you smell that?
That’s the smell of Bromar coming in to kick some ass.
Let me give you guys a simple mathematical formula here. Bromar
Equals dead Shiftry.
Alright NumNums. Here’s your second chance at redemption. CAN YOU DO IT?
Oh god. Looks like he’s failed once again
What’s this?! HE SURVIVED?!
This might just be the most epic picture of this entire LP.
Besides this one, of course:
All I gotta do is kill this little black bird and I’m home free!
Oh hells yes. I’m da winnar!
That’s right, you sick, exhibitionist, bondage-loving *****.
Which is why I’m using Tropius.
To very little effect.
Damn straight, woman.
Oh god. One more episode folks. You could cut the tension with a knife.
And that. that also cuts the tension.
Episode ?: The Episode Where I Revisit the Shiny Gold X Let’s Play And Beat Clair Through Enormous Amounts of Awesome Flatulence
Um, okay. I don’t even think I remember the controls anymore. WASD?
You know, who the hell put these here, and where does that guy get off?
You know, it really grinds my gears when random men just go and set boulders in a house full of Pokemon trainers in an attempt to hinder the Pokemon trainer. What’s the point? What does he gain from this? Is he trying to advertise against Pokemon battles in a building that advocates Pokemon battles? What is the goal here? And now we have nothing we can do except force our Pokemon into unfair labor, which probably defies some of the labor laws in place in today’s constitution, by making them move these boulders, which is probably very taxing and is definitely very cruel.
Oh for the love of GOD this sucks.
Hmm, I wonder what a really fast ice type can do against this slow, frail dragon type?
That. That is what really fast ice types do against slow, frail dragon types.
<.< Healing required. (little did I know I’d have to redo the boulder puzzle >_>)
No, you are the world’s best sucker of ****. Are you the one that put the boulders in here? Christ.
Then why aren’t you a member of this Elite Four, miss boulder pants?
So, do you listen to A-ha?
The sexual innuendos present right now are both alarming and amusing.
You know, it’s times like these that make me fear for my life. Let’s raise my spirits with this cool picture of a kangaroo:
Haven’t I killed like 11 of you already? You’re old news.
Rape, Pillage, Plunder!
Hey, that thing kinda looks like a kangaroo if you turn your head a little bit and close one eye and look through a kaleidoscope.
Well that’s not exactly what I wanted to happen. Curse you, Floating Kangaroo!
Here it comes.
^I’m not sure what the **** that is. I’m going with it.
Floating Kangaroos = ******s
That’s what I’m talking about. After all, I’m fairly sure alligators > kangaroos in the wild, right?
Unless it’s him. You don’t mess with that son of a *****.
Blasphemy! This isn’t going well at all.
That’s how my ass-gas rolls, *****.
Anything with king in its name HAS to be badass.
^ case in points. I’m screwed.
Dang it. I hate it when Hypnosis misses.
Let’s try this again, cause I don’t have a chance at beating that thing with anyone else.
*approximately twenty turns of eating dreams and stuff with the Kingdra using Rest a lot later…*
Are you joking, ho? You must be trippin’ on LSD or somethin’
What is this, the Karate Kid? Why am I going into mysterious “dragon dojos”
We all know how those karate kids turn out…
DRAGON FANG? OH GOD…what’s a Dragon Fang?
For the love of god, this LP will NEVER see its end.
Alright, over the next few days the LP Repository will be updated with new updates and hopefully a spattering of new LPs will be posted, as well. Depending on the power situation tomorrow (there is work being done on the power lines), these may start tomorrow, or maybe later.
Hope you guys are looking forward to reading the updates as much as I am looking forward to posting them.
I haven’t played this game in quite a long time.
Where was I again?
Either way, I don’t want to be sexually violated by Zubats, so let’s use one of these.
It appears I’ve discovered some sort of secret in the game!
Now if you go back to your hometown, talk to Professor Elm 74 times, immediately pause the game, save, turn off the game before saving, turn it back on, go to your box and withdraw a Krabby, go back to the same spot in the ice cave, find this message again, go back to Professor Elm 42 more times, then go to Violet City and talk to Falkner, he will give a level 9,001 MissingNo.
VITAMINZ and MINERULZ
Wow, you’re standing right in front of the exit of the Ice Path waiting for random strangers to come out?!
Well, I am.
Now shut the hell up.
Well, I guess…I’ll fight some trainers or somethin’.
BIG.LOAD doing what she does best:
Switching out and letting Quack do all the work.
OH MY GAAAWD IT’S SO FRUCKING CUTE!
BIG.LOAD has other things in mind for you.
RAPE, PILLAGE, and PLUNDER
To my Flatulence (joke’s getting old)
Why am I so f****** awesome?
It’s because BIG.LOAD is so freaking HARDCORE and she never cries for real.
As hilarious as having Lick on her moveset was, I do need to actually beat this game eventually…
Well, I guess I’m gonna give this a go.
I’m not surprised. I’m sure she’s heard about how wickedly powerful I am.
Not unless they used the cheat I discovered to get the lv. 9,001 MissingNo.
Why are the graphics in this place so hideous?
End of argument.
That’s how we do, BL.
RAPE, PILLAGE, PLUNDER
Harsh word choice, don’t you think?
Oh, cool. Rock smash…
…f*** me in the a** with a 12-inch dildo.
YES. LIKE THREE MONTHS AGO.
You should’ve given it to me a LOOONG time ago.
Can I use it on your testicles?
Oh hells yes.
OH GOD WHERE DID QUACK GO?
My policy is to RAPE, PILLAGE, and PLUNDER!
Oh god, I just sent a being of pure chaos to the interne-
It probably won’t change ****.
So apparently there was lava down here before the Chaos God showed up? The hell is wrong with this place? We’re only like thirty feet below the surface at most.
…and the sun is still shining.
I’m not sure I even want to know anymore.
…the hell? They couldn’t wait to see if I was still alive before rushing away… thanks guys – you’re really helping to endear this place to me.
I think it used itself or something, I didn’t even take it out of my damned bag.
…did this happen ten minutes ago or ten years ago? I can’t really tell with that horrible tense issue there.
I would prefer if other people knew that I just risked my damned life to save this godforsaken region.
So apparently there’s a ‘big island’ with white ground that is good for growing trees…?
Sure, why not?
Free samples, you’ve got to love them.
So that’s one point in favor of this town and… err… 1237 points against.
I doubt I’ll be swinging by for future visits.
Those trees are always worried about safety, y’know.
I just took down the damned GOD OF CHAOS and you’re telling me I’ll have trouble beating some chick who locked herself in her gym to escape the sun. Yeah, not likely.
And it wasn’t even the normal God of Chaos, it was the Cornian God of Chaos, which is like six of the vanilla variety…
You’re welcome, again.
The legend about the God of Chaos that could make the sun expand…?
Yeah, thanks for making sure I was alright…
Why, exactly, should I do that?
That’s a decent reason… I guess.
And apparently Kawa’s a Vulcan, wonderful…
Y’know, I’d really rather-
Good to know I can once again open doors…
Subtle, Advicer, subtle…
Damn! I forgot my pacience at home.
Not really, I can see fairly well.
Well, I do know how to operate a flashlight.
…PokeNinja… not ridiculous in the slightest…
I’m bad at fooling myself…
A Sever? Can’t say I expected something quite so… so… err…
You aren’t going to elaborate, are you?
And that’s perfectly safe, I imagine.
Thanks, I guess.
Oh god, why?
It’s a good thing all of the nerves in my ass died long ago or that would have been excruciating.
Subtlety is not her specialty.
…in no way whatsoever…
Aren’t gyms supposed to get progressively harder?
Really? Because I thought it was hilarious.
Thanks for the encouragement.
…this man has apparently pinpointed the sea’s center and stood upon it. I am impressed.
Or he did no such thing and I’m a sarcastic ass.
Really? The Horror goes out of its way to make people kid puppets? The Horror sure is a swell guy.
Apt, I suppose.
I guess I did.
One word – flashlight.
Oh Imakuni, I never understand why you’re anywhere…
…or why you insist on fighting me all the time…
…or why you make silly decisions…
Yeah, sorry about that.
Hearths aren’t known for being very social – what with being a fireplace without the ability to move and all that.
They’ll do that.
However beautiful it is I think you should probably get a house of your own… living in a gym is creepy.
Training your Pokemon in a gym helps you paint?
That was perfectly normal and not creepy in the least…
Sure, why not? Whatever the hell this ‘challenge’ is…
What about Baro? Or a Baro-salesma- oh god no.
YOU ARE LOUD!
I have a bad feeling I know what those dolls look like, and I don’t want to test it…
You must be one of those Cornian motivational speakers that encourages kids to leave school and do drugs instead.
I have no idea how something built like that can stand on tiny feet like that.
I’ve already seen reality and do not much care for it…
..why is my ear bleeding now?
Yeah… an old friend of mine… his name was Sanity.
We were like two peas in a pod, we were inseparable…
…then Corna happened…
Cool, I’m Steven; I’m here to kick your ass.
Sadness and tears are not related, apparently.
I don’t have any intention of finding out how she plans to feel the inside of my heart.
Wow, she looks almost like a person… it’s only to bad I don’t care at all.
I forgot… what is the opposite of a smart choice?
Oh yeah! A MORONIC CHOICE.
TEH-PRO died as he lived… poisoning birds.
OWLS CANNOT MOVE THAT FAST.
Dodge that, you damned bird.
Yahtzee won’t stand for this insolence in her court!
Well, she’s not exactly… err… standing, right?
Alright! We’re back on track, thanks to Roco.
But everything works out when TEH-PRO’s in the room.
It looked like a blow-up purple tiger, how could I not poison it?
I still want to know how the hell this works…
It didn’t want to stay poisoned…
**** yeah, Roco!
Dammit Roco, you can have all the naps you want later!
Brrrd’s never let me down…
And it looks like he isn’t going to start-
JESUS HELL IT LOOK LONG ENOUGH.
I don’t know if that’s supposed to be incredibly deep or incredibly moronic…
If I know Corna though it’s probably the latter.
FINALLY SOMEONE RECOGNIZES THAT I SAVED THE DAMNED REGION.
There probably won’t be a reward, though…
Oh great, my badge case is crying now.
Because I definitely want to be the master of many powerful Cornian Pokemon…
Is it Whine-Until-The-Enemy-Leaves Wave?
…if I use it at all.
Yeah, I guess there might be some way out of the region at the League.
Oh god I hope there is…
How observant of you.
Everyone in this gym thinks that they’re a ****ing poet now.
…when did I ever say I wanted to be a Pokemon Master? I just want to get the hell away from Baro…
Only one more stop in this region before I can get out…
…at least I pray there’s only one.