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Pokémon Black – #7

Previously on Let’s Play on the slide:

YAY SLIDE.

Now, back to fighting kindergarteners.

And Stubs ends up killing his THIEF first, of course. Would have been faster if he hadn’t missed once.

And Stubs deals the final blow to the other THIEF as well, cause Bobo can’t do anything by himself.

Wha-
I can’t move!

I sense something horrible creeping up behind me.

You’d think I’d be running by now.

ARGH, NO! TURN THE OTHER WAY KHOLD!

He tells me to stop.
I already stopped, you froze me mid-motion.

He never even said hello.

O_O
Great work Bobo!

Hmm…

Bobo doesn’t look intimidating at all, so let’s get rid of this.

Nice try, but I’m still ditching Leer.
Finally, all those hours of practice with MSPaint pay off.

And he still has his THIEF, of course.

Yeah, you see, it doesn’t matter how ungodly your powers may be, they don’t help when your Pokémon are trash.

Why did we let them pass? I should really think these things through…

It’s some girl and a small child, asking if we’ve seen two men pass by.

Apparently they stole the child’s Pokémon. Stealing from a child, how could you!
All I ever stole was their money.

WE have to help her? No way.

Let me go, there’s no way I’m following that guy.

Let’s waste some time instead.

Ohaidere generic bird-thing.


It’s in its nature to listen to its Trainer’s orders, but there are times when it can’t understand difficult instructions.

I do believe it’s in every Pokémon’s nature to listen to its Trainer’s orders.

Get it, it tweets…
Blame Mirby.


It’s as fast and powerful as lightning. When Zebraika runs at top speed, thunder rumbles.

I also caught this! It sounds pretty destructive, so I’ll give it a try.

Now I’m hungry.

Harmless cave…

Or monster-infested grass…
The choice is obvious, no?

TEN THOUSAND WILD POKÉMON BATTLES LATER.

She’s saying my Pokémon feel good or something. I doubt that, after what we’ve been through.

Do your thing Oreo!

Yeah, destruction!

Oreo’s only offensive move right now is Quick Attack, so ol’ Mirbs has to take care of this one.

Yes, this is why they feel somewhat good. They get to destroy stuff.

I don’t really get why, but… Yay, stuff!

They could have given me that BEFORE I entered the immensely long patch of grass, but no…

I don’t have anything left I can waste time with.

It’s literally called “Opening of an underground water vein”, but that’s too long, so now it’s not even an underground river anymore, just some wet ground.

They’re saying some stuff about how that child was abusing her Pokémon, and they just saved them.
YOU MONSTERS.

This has to be the most evil gang in any Pokémon game to date.

Now with 60% more zoom!

Apparently He beat the other guy, but there’s more!

Ah, a double battle. No worries, I’ll just send out Bobo and-

OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD.

RUN OREO. RUN LIKE LIGHTNING!

QUICK STUBS, FINISH THEM!

FINISH HIM!

Okay, Stubs managed to secure a victory.
But was I REALLY calling the shots?

Okay, we got the kid’s Pokémon. I think.
I’m still a bit dazed…

Those memories will haunt me my entire life.


It lives in dark forests and caves. It emits ultrasonic waves from its nostrils to map out its surroundings.

I caught this furry bat. It sounds like your average bat.

It is.

THIEF!

Hmm. That looks suspicious.

I walked into it and found this.


Its drills, which evolved to steel, have the power to pierce through an iron plate. It excels at constructing tunnels.

So it’s just a mole, but stronger.

It’s a mole that jumped out of the ground to attack me. I’d say it’s a fitting name.

Ah, daylight. I’ve been stuck in that cave for two whole days, just check the clock.

Yes, yes, I’m a hero to kindergarteners around the world. So is the Cookie Monster, so it’s not much of an achievement.

I went through all that to get a single crappy Heal Ball?

One explanation of a Heal Ball later, we continue on.

Next time on Let’s Play Sesame Street: The game will finally become more fast-paced.

Pokémon Black – #6

In search of something to do, I head to the place-that-isn’t-really-here.

Let’s see if this thing works.

Why can Stubs, who has nothing to cut with (not even decent arms) learn it, when Mirby can’t?
Surely Mirby could just explode with the tree…

Dren could be the new Bidoof. Wonder if he can learn Rock smash, Waterfall, and Strength too…

And Dren blows up the tree. o_O
Again, why can’t Mirby learn it?

Hey, it’s you!
Who are you again?

Noise from inside the dangerous, dilapidated, ready-to-collapse-at-any-second building, is it? I see no reason not to check it out.

See, it’s just a flying pig thing with a flower pattern. Nothing to worry about.
Wait, what? What did they brew here back in the days? o_O

I’m not the only one seeing things, apparently.

They’re saying some stuff about Munna’s dream smoke, and how they can use it to infiltrate dreams and spread word of Team Plasma.
How does Nintendo even come up with this?

And now we fight them, because they’re clearly evil.

Apart from the lame hood, the evil team’s costume looks pretty decent this time around.

A Minezumi. Haven’t seen that one before.

And the other guy!

DIE THIEF.


No.

I think that’s a girl. It’s hard to tell.

O_O That guy just teleported in here.

OH GOD.

STOP TELEPORTING!

Geechisu scolded them because they tried to abuse Munna, and said they strive for Pokémon to be equal to man.
He’s CLEARLY evil!

They ran off.

This must be the Munna’s mother or something… either way, it’s creating a lot of dream smoke.
Seriously, Nintendo, WHY?

I didn’t really understand what she said. I’m guessing she scolded us cause we’re doing illegal things involving smoke and hallucinating though.

They ran, but left behind that thing. Then again, it might not really be there…

Apparently the Pokéball contained Dream smoke.

Forget it, I’m out of words for this.

Hmm…

o_O
I thought it was supposed to be rare…


If your dream is eaten by a Munna, you forget the content of the dream. It always floats in the air.

So it destroys dreams, can fly, has supernatural psychic powers, and makes people hallucinate?

It’s the only fitting name.
Curse you 5-character limit, but you get the idea.


WHAT HAVE I DONE?

BEGONE FOUL BEAST.

While we’re at it, might as well store THIEF and Bobo. No use for those guys on my awesome team anyway.

Back to the hallucinating place for some stuff now.

I have no clue how to get to those stairs…

Back here, we get the C-Gear!
It rhymes.

This is what it looks like. It does stuff, and looks complicated.

I don’t have Wi-Fi. No pals for me…

This thing makes the game lag sometimes, so I turned it off. It’s not like I can use it anyway. At least you guys now have something different to look at.

BACKTRACKING TIME.

Boom.

Yay for backtracking.

Grumpy old man has had his tea and is finally letting us through now.

I got a whatnow?

Oh, a ‘shroom. Just what I needed after visiting those ruins…

Now we’re here!

Pokémon Day-care on the right…

Children’s Day-care on the left.
Wait, you needed a Gym badge to come here. So these kids… o_O

She’s saying she can heal my Pokémon.

Is this where HE was raised?

I’m outside now, in the playground.

Wha…
I thought I boxed you…

You nearly died to a Yooterri. See why I didn’t want you on my team?

THE TEACHER IS A DEALER.

Run away child, you’re in danger here!

Now Bobo nearly lost to a two-year-old…

You seem way too happy. What has your teacher been giving you?

I’m not even going to try this one.

See that Bobo? Take a leaf out of the Mirbinator’s book.

One last kid. Take a wild guess at what he has.

If you chose tree/broccoli monkey, you chose correctly.
He had a type advantage, this victory means nothing.

Swipe his lunchmoney…

And play on the slide.
WEE, SLIDE.

Next time on Bully: The game, a double battle!

YAY SLIDE.

Pokémon Black – #5

Previously on Let’s Play Pokémon Black starring Cheren as the entire cast:

I ran away.

Let’s go to this scenic area first.

Grumpy man won’t let us pass unless we have a badge.

So soothing… I even forgot what got me so scared before…

Oh. Right.

IT’S JUST A CONVERSATION KHOLD, YOU CAN DO THIS.

He’s asking if I’m looking for the Gym Leader.
I’m afraid to answer.

I said yes, and this happened… I knew it.

Y’know, for a guy who can heal at will, change his identity, and predict the future, his Pokémon are horribly underlevelled.

That’s not how Pickup used to work…

I missed the screenshot where he fainted. Rest assured that he did indeed faint.

He has a thief in his party. I guess I’m not surprised…

If your Pokémon are underlevelled like that, your divine powers won’t help you much. Just saying.

Hurray, my first Gym Ba-What?

Well that was strange.
I didn’t know Badges were edible…

He’s saying some stuff about me picking Mijumaru, and Grass is supereffective on that. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Hell yeah, the annoying advice guy gives you free stuff now.

Hmm.

Matching the pictures does nothing.

Success.

o_O Pokéballs don’t make very good food…

I don’t think dogs are allowed in restaurants.

I is smart.

This IS a Gym, right?

Unexpected switch!

ALL THIEVES MUST DIE.
Minezumi was about to unleash Bide.

Missed the screenshot of Minezumi fainting, but you get the idea by now. Stubs > Everything.

No thanks, that just wastes a turn.

I went to a high-ranking university for the sole purpose of solving intricate puzzles like this one.

Oh hey it’s that guy again.

O_O
He just split into three…
This could only be the work of one person.

I know who you really are.

So an otter, a dog, a thief, a monkey, and something that shouldn’t exist walk into a bar…

Hell yeah Stubs.

It’s a monkey with a tree on its head. I’m lost for words…

Mirby, stop sucking D:

No hard feelings Stubs, he had a type advantage.

My last hope!


You’re still not getting into my main team though.

CUE EPIC BADGE SEQUENCE.
It crushed the Oran Berry I put in there earlier…

I’m going to need that.

Interruptions!

This is apparently Makomo, Professor Araragi’s assistant.
Which makes her an elf.

Grumpy old man now wants me to help Makomo out.

I’ll figure out what she wants me to do next time.

Pokémon Black – #4

Alright, let’s get going!

Right after this public service announcement!

Aww…
If she’s calling me, she can’t give me stuff…


Why did you have to call me if you’re RIGHT BEHIND ME?
The range of this Live Caster thing must be like, 5 yards.

But I get expensive stuff, so it’s all good.
It says Running Shoes.

Yay running.

o_O Rocks sure grew a lot since the last gen…

Hurray, stuff. Now…

TIME TO GRIND MIRBY.

That’ll do.

I also caught this.


It steals people’s belongings for fun. Even the people it stole from quickly forgive its adorable antics.

It is.

My first random trainer!

I see you like shorts.

Prove your worth Mirby!

Not bad.

Two levels for the price of one!

Useful moves are useful.

O_O
I didn’t kick him off, I swear…

Tragic deaths aside, let’s move on.

o_O Her right leg is completely twisted…

KILL ALL THIEVES.

Alright Mirby, you can stay.

Rough translation: Yooterii, my Yooterrii, I love you so.

Gee, who’d have guessed he had a Yooterii…

What?
Alright Mirby, spill. Who are you really?

Can’t go that way yet…

But I can get stuff here.

Oh god, more stalkers.

She barely even spoke, she just challenged me.
Agressive girl, this one…

My exploding dog > Your exploding dog.

Yay, dragged-out battles…

…Yes, the time between those screenshots was 7 minutes. I was basking in Stubs’ glory.

So much for that.
Also time paradox.

And she walks off in the wrong direction.
I guess she has to be behind me to stalk me…

Finally, a town!
Or a city, I don’t know anymore.

New city = New stuff.

Wh…Why did you randomly start speaking English?
Furthermore, that’s false information. Are you, by any chance, related to the ‘Advicer’?

I see no problem in accepting shady goods obtained from a suspicious man on a motorcycle, who is hiding in a dark alley.

Why is he staring at the trash so intensely?

Apparently, the Gym Leader is at the Trainers’ School.

I don’t like school, let’s go here.

So they’re not real…?

KILL ALL THIEVES.

Filler screenshot to show I’m now fighting someone else.

Isn’t it fun to fight the same Pokémon over and over again?

SO MUCH FUN.

I’m never going to use this.

It’s free.

We’re still trying to figure out why we like this name.


When angered, the temperature of the tassel on its head rises to over 300 degrees. It roasts berries in the tassel and eats them.

So it can only eat when it’s angry?

It’s like finding money.

Back to town!

Are you the Gym leader?

You?

You, mayhaps?

How about you?

Surely it must be you.

Well, none of those were the Gym Leader, which means…

I hate school.

Pokémon Black – #3

Previously on Let’s Learn Japanese: Santa, He-who-must-not-be-named and that one girl no one cares about ditched me.
And now, the continuation.

Let’s take a look at this thing. Unlike the other useless items mom buys me, this one has a Use option.

This is where I am now…

And this is where I need to go next…
If it looks and feels like a city, why is it still a town…?

OH GOD.
I’m never going to get used to that.

Ohaidere not-Rattata.

Success!
I’m never going to use this thing.


It stores food in its cheek pouches and continuously stands watch for days at a time. It uses its tail to communicate with its friends.

I’ll be posting the Pokédex entries like that cause my translation doesn’t do it for me.
How exactly does it use it tail to communicate…?

Apparently it’s a Farscape reference. Ask Yuoaman, he’s the one who wanted the name.

Yay, stuff.

He looks like his face exploded.


A smart Pokemon that bravely faces even stronger opponents, but avoids unfavorable battles.

…So basically, it fights stronger Pokémon, unless they’re stronger?

She was pretty adamant I named it after her. Have fun with the face-sploding dog!


He’s going to hunt me everywhere, isn’t he?

She’s asking if I’ve caught a lot already.

I caught an immobile rat-thing and an exploding dog. I feel rather accomplished, yes.

The useless expensive item does something!

…How did they all get a Live Caster? Belle wasn’t even allowed to leave home just a while earlier.

Hurray, progress.

So you were standing right here, yet you had to call us?

More forced tutorial.

I can’t do it if you’re all watching!
Healing my Pokémon, that is.

Pokémarts are now found inside Pokémon Centers. Further proof that everyone here is lazy.
Isshu is set in America… Is Japan trying to make a point here?

So the top guy has basic utility items…

And the bottom guy has stuff no one ever buys.

I doubt it.

Usually I’d be curious what’s going on over there. Not this time though.

This is Geechisu, the leader of Team Plasma, here to give a vague explanation of the evil plot this time around.

Basically, he said everyone abuses Pokémon by having them fight and do chores.
…So this is the first person in the entire series to have some sort of common sense?

Not approving of slavery and violence makes him the bad guy in this game, obviously. We’ll be seeing him again.

Are you here to save me from Him?

So your name is N?
Challenge: Prove to me that N is NOT based on Death Note’s Near. I have tried and failed.

And now we fight him. With our mind!

Or Pokémon, that works too…
Wait, weren’t you just telling me you agreed with Geechisu?

That was close, actually.

Huzzah!

Hurray!

Stubs is awesome.

DON’T LEAVE ME HERE.

Okay, he’s leaving too. We should be okay.

Town exploration time!

Talking to these guys adds more instruments to the town’s music. That’s actually kinda nice.

These buildings exist to camouflage loading times.

See, it’s a completely uninteresting, pointless building.

There. Next time on Let’s Enslave Things, we explore this place!

Pokémon Black – #2

I sure did. Sorry to everyone who wanted Tsutarja – I didn’t really want to use him because I used him on a previous run, so I’d know his moves beforehand. That wouldn’t be any fun.

Boo, sharing.

Japanese! I’ll be cutting most of that out from now on.

She’s challenging me! Bet you didn’t see that one coming!

First battle! Truly, this will be a battle for the ages. A battle full of excitement, splendor, bravery and-

She couldn’t get the ball out of her bag.
What was I saying again?

Hell yeah Tackle. A move so awesome it had its power increased since the last gen.
Also, what’s with all the fancy stuff in the middle…? If I want to see my battery life, I’ll look at the indicator on the DS itself, thanks…

Four turns of Tackle spam later

O_O
What…What’s happening?

MY ROOM!

My brand new TV is wrecked, my comic book collection was shredded, and my computer was destroyed. I DEMAND COMPENSATION.
Wait, why are there pawprints on the WALLS? And where’d that gift box go?

O_O

HOW DID HE DO THAT?
I want to be able to do that…

He can heal his Pokémon without items or a Pokémon Center. No way am I fighting this guy.

Your…readings?
So he has healing powers AND he can tell the future?

I’m the nervous one.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.

He’s going to destroy m-

Oh.

It must have been his nerves. Surely.

And they ran off.
Belle never did clean my room.


When did his name change?
Oh god he has multiple identities too.

O_O
My mother is RICH!
Huzzah!

Wait – How did you not notice her bringing the box earlier? That was like 10 minutes ago.
Did she come in through the chimney…?

Is… Is HE coming?

They ran off

Apparently she doesn’t approve of kindness. Why else would she use ‘but’…?

Yay, stuff!
I hope it’s a new TV!

Your memory isn’t exactly up to scratch, is it…?

O_O
HOW DO THEY ALL DO THAT?
I want to be able to do that…

So what does that do?

Yes, but what does it do?


She really is filthy stinkin’ rich if she can buy me expensive items solely because they’re my favourite colour.
Best. Mom. Ever.

Doesn’t even have a Use option…

Well, time to explore town!

WHY DID I COME HERE?

So am I.

Some of them definitely are… Isn’t Muk made of 100% toxic waste?
Ash should have died ages ago.

She apologizes a lot. Get used to it!

Don’t worry, Muk aren’t native to Isshu. No dangerous Pokémon here!

Time to pay Santa a visit!

So where are the elves?

We got to nickname Mijumaru.

It’s a Pokédex. Or a cellphone.
It used to be easy to tell the difference.

Oh hey mom. Can I have stuff?

Now we’re here!

Time to learn how to catch a Pokémon…
They actually tell you BEFORE you have access to Pokéballs this time!

OH GOD.

Ohai Gen V Rattata.

…A chill army…?
That pun was horrible, sue me.

Have fun with it.

And that marks the end of the introduction. Hurray!
Everyone subsequently walked off. Sure hope I don’t see that Cheren/Chelon/Chelen guy again…

Pokémon Black – #1

Yeah! Intro sequence! I can’t wait!

I doubt I need to make the Dragonball Z reference here. Just look at him!

Wait – we ARE playing Pokémon right? Looks more like Final Fantasy…

ಠ_ಠ

Ah, so we ARE playing Poké-What the hell is he wearing around his neck?

These two never appear in the game itself, as far as I know. Yay, filler!

This image spoils the entire plot of the game! Huzzah!

This bridge is the hope of the people!

Whatever’s sleeping in there, it’s not human. Blankets don’t look like that.

Don’t try this at home.




THE HORROR.

Finally, a title screen!

Ha! English for your entertainment! Now you don’t get to see me suffer trying to read names.

Serious comment: I do not have access to Wi-Fi, so I won’t be showing any of that.

O_O I’ll go with English, thanks. I definitely don’t know enough kanji to play a full game…

AH! Who are you!
Surely you can’t be this game’s professor…You’re a woman! Pokémon doesn’t have female professors!

Ahahah…Wait, what?

Alright, so I was wrong. I’m sure she’s a really intelligent, capable woman.

You can lower your hand now… you dropped the ball already. Without moving your hand.
So she’s also a WITCH.



Hahahah, silly! That’s what NPC’s do! Nobody cares about those!

That’s more like it.

Curses, it’s the obligatory introduction sequence where the professor pretends to not know you.

On the left, a pretty-average looking guy with no redeeming qualities.

On the right, probably the most attractive female main character in the series. What’s that at the bottom of her shorts…?

Yes. But only because I don’t want to look perverted… <_<

She’s pretty pushy.

I can read this! If I could, I’d make an awesome Japanese name, but that’d look silly with all the English translations.

Apparently, my name is in bold. I’m THAT awesome.

…I called you intelligent and capable before, you know.

It’s actually Cheren, but the translators thought that name wasn’t manly enough for him. So they named him after a fish species. Good job guys!

When I was 2, I had a passion for drooling and generally not knowing what I was doing. How did he know what a Pokémon was at that age?

Also since he was 2, I bet. >_>

She looks somewhat normal and likeable!
Watch me retract that statement within the next 5 minutes.

I promise I won’t nitpick on the grammatical errors in the translation. They’re generally not too major.
Also, Mom and Dad are capitalized. This means they’re actual names. I can only imagine the many jokes I could make here! But I won’t, because none of them are any good.

Yay, counting! We finally get a main character older than 10, but they still treat him like one!
Huzzah!

Nonsense, people in the Pokémon universe can’t count. There are no schools except Trainer Schools, so the only concepts they know are slavery and violence.
I love the Pokémon universe.

Aah!

Almost? THERE’S MORE TO THIS INTRODUCTION? D:

Okay.

Okay!
No need to shout…

But… I am in town. I’m pretty sure the main character has lived there for most of his life, no?
I take back every compliment I gave you earlier.

O_O It’s September 29th…

Thanks for reminding me what game I’m playing, I had already forgotten. <_<

O_O
I could swear I was playing a translation…

People in the Pokémon universe still pronounce their ellipses. >_>

Ha, translation!
The font may seem weird, but deal with it, nothing I can do about it.

Hello, Sorry!

She just said she’s Sorry. Pay attention, will you?

So she’s acting like a typical Pokémon protagonist. Good job, Sorry!

Hahaha, silly, Pokémon don’t fit in a box like that!
Unless she brought us three Shaymin. That’d be awesome! I bet it’s three Weedles though…

…Told you I’d take back what I said about Belle within five minutes.

Then open it. It’s really not that difficult.

How many times are you going to say that before I get to open the darn box?

Yay!

Curse you game, I didn’t want to share.

I believe that’s been established already. Like ten times.

So who do we choose?

Tsutarja, the first decent grass starter since forever?
I refuse to name him Smugleaf.

Pokabu, the fifty-sixth Fire-fighting starter?
Actually I just lost count.

Or Mijumaru, the only decent water type in the game?
I’m serious, he is. I can make do without a water type though…