Episode 20: I’ll See You in Hell, Carlos
Oh god. The suspense is killing me.
Well, I am pretty badass, after all.
Is it possible to opt out now o.o
HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE A BLACK, MYSTERIOUS SILHOUETTE!
Alligator versus lake monster.
Is anybody really surprised by this? I mean really.
I doubt anybody is surprised by this either.
I’m gonna cream you with my BIG.LOAD.
Okay, I’ve made that joke a few too many times…it’s probably time to stop ._.
Poor Gatorade D:
<_< Flatulence never really dies.
Time for Gatorade to do work!
Gatorade just BROUGHT OUT DA BROOMS!
I WON ^_^
I kind of feel like I’m god now.
Wait, who the hell are you?
BASK IN MY GLORY.
I AM GOD.
YO WHAT UP OAK MAH BOI
Yeah man. It’s been a while.
Actually, I’m gonna be in your region whenever Xephyr makes the sequel to this LP. It’s gonna be off the hook!
It’s been more of a sexual conquest than anything.
Love? Trust? I bounded and tortured them until they got good! What are you talking about?
Aaaaand now the LP ends and I go on living a happily life.
just kidding, there’s a plot twist, damn it.
If this is that ******, lab-coat wearing douche bag….
BASK IN MY GLORY!
I AM GOD!
You crushed the dreams of thousands of little children that wanted a regular name.
So I don’t feel bad.
Time for what?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS?!
Ah HELL no.
This is one of those situations…
That is bad to be in.
^kinda like that. Both situations are about equal in bad-ness.
Bromar does work. that is all.
Gatorade does work. that is all.
Man, Gatorade is like the finals mvp.
Well geez, this is has been relatively easy.
Oh ****. The bane of my existence.
This is it, Carlos. If I take out your Slowking, it’s all over.
Did I just see what I think I saw?
NumNums delivers the final blow for this entire LP?
It’s….almost poetic, really.
NOW I win…right?
Or is Douche gonna run up and challenge me too?
What don’t you understand?
I AM GOD
BASK IN MY GLORY
Oh god…what’s he gonna do to me?!?!?!
Eternity? That’s a long ass time. But,
I AM GOD
BASK IN MY GLORY
My Pokemon didn’t do ****, damn it. I did all the work!
I AM G-
I’m done with that.
Well, here we go guys, the final countdown to the end.
GATORADE, THE SPORTS BEVERAGE
BROMAR, THE COOL DUDE
NUMNUMS, THE USELESS TREE
BIG.LOAD, THE GUILTY PLEASURE
QUACK, THE…uh, I don’t even know what to describe him as.
FLATULENCE, THE…uh, don’t know what to say here either o.o
And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I conclude this Let’s Play.
Epilogue: ‘Sup, Kanto?
I’m going to be moving to Kanto now. Some lame town called Pallet Town. I’m not going to be taking my current team with me…instead, I’m taking along a group of 6 criminals I’ve caught during my travels here in Johto. Should be good stuff.
I guess I’ll see you all in Kanto!
Episode 18: The Fag 4 – Part 1
After the mindless **** involving Dragon Dens and the like (which I didn’t take any screens of, sorry ), I decide its time to get some real **** done. And by that, I mean going to the elite four…
Shut the hell up, lady. Anyway, it’s time for some BATTLES AND STUFF
What the hell am I even supposed to talk about here anymore? You guys all know the drill.
Random houses in the middle of nowhere? Why did I even take a screen of this?
I’m losing my touch, guys D:
Not exactly sure why I took a screen of this either, so I’m going to distract you all from how not-funny this is by posting a cool looking picture of raccoons:
She’s secretly just trying to get me to stay so she can get in my pants.
Depends on what you need help with.
You *****! This is trickery! Deceit! Murder!!! Well, actually, there’s no murder here. Irrelevant.
Oh you dirty little ****. Do I have to battle or something now? Good god.
It’s not that funny calm down god damn
Not if I kill your ass first
What are you talking about?! You just stole my badges!
Actually, all I do is win. Kinda like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU
Yes. Hand to hand combat.
Next person that calls me a kid gets killed. Swear to god.
Oh…you wanted a Pokemon battle. Well this is lame. I’ll win this too though.
Well that was rather painless.
I just creamed you with my BIG.LOAD
I hate people that have a common name but have it spelled differently.
Even though my name irl is Bryan.
So I shouldn’t be talking.
What a dumbass. Moving on.
Damn straight. No more obstacles, it’s just me and the Elite Four now. Time to do th-
Are you serious right now? A big ass CAVE? Why is Johto such a cruel place to me?
Grass? In the big ass cave? What the hell?
Spoiler alert: I’m using Parasect in the sequel to this LP.
Bears. I love bears.
Actually, I never understood that meme.
Nor will I ever.
Oh god this just got SO hot.
I can just imagine Jynx flying through the air at her opponent.
Her perky little boobs flopping around.
She slams onto the enemy…preferably a Tangela cause I’m into tentacles.
And then they make love.
And pure joy and sexual ecstasy ensues.
I wish I could feel the utter sexual bliss that they would feel.
Because I never will.
No one ever will.
REJOICE! I’M FINALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THIS!
So I looked up the levels of the trainers in the Elite Four and stuff. And they scared me.
So after ~1.5 hours of grinding, we arrive at my final team for the Shiny Gold X Let’s Play. Here it is. Bask in its glory:
It’s time to do this.
I would just like to take this time to thank everyone for inspiring me to do this.
Except Yuoaman, because he has a weird ass name.
Wow, you kind of look like a douche bag.
Wow, he is definitely a fag.
Which is why I’m officially calling these people the Fag 4 now.
BIG.LOAD is doing some work.
Come onnnn NumNums! Do something useful for once!
Once again, Tropius proves to be absolutely useless.
But I love him all the same ❤
Flatulence, on the other hand, is still an absolute boss.
Bromar doing work.
This is all going quite smoothly.
Yeah, we all know Quack has swagger.
Except for this weird cosplayer. I mean seriously.
Oh. Well darn it.
THAT. Is the question.
Now suck Bromar’s ****, enemy Jynx!
Bromar’s orgasm was so explosive that it made the Jynx faint.
And now an epic picture to build dramatic tension for the next episode.
Episode 19: The Fag 4 – Part 2
Good lord, it’s a guy surrounded by trees that are clearly not supposed to be mixing with these tilesets.
I thought ninjas were supposed to be cool.
^like that. THAT is cool.
Sounds like you’re gonna rape me…
All three are possible prerequisites to rape…
God I hate Forretress. It thinks it’s so cool setting up hazards and exploding and ****. Well you know what? You suck now, because Game Freak made Ferrothorn, and Ferrothorn is better than you will ever be.
This is one of those situations where living is preferred, Bromar.
GO, BIG.LOAD! USE YOUR RIGHTEOUS ICE PUNCHES OF FREEDOM!
The Venusaur freezes in sheer terror.
Oh god oh man oh jeez
****. If I have to spend multiple painful hours trying to kill you, I’m gonna be SO pissed.
Oh you dirty skank.
(as usual) Flatulence comes through!
Now, everyone, prepare for utter rage:
Luckily, NumNums has Magical Leaf and can, therefore, hit the bastard.
Oh good god. NumNums is destined to fail in every aspect of life.
TROPIUS ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING!
*falls into coma*
This is a bad situation for you to be in, Muk.
(insert obvious sex joke here)
I am XEPHYR of the AWESOME ALLIANCE
Damn straight. I’m not afraid of anything. Kinda like the old lady in this timeless children’s book classic:
I will what?
These Fag 4 members…I’m tellin’ ya…
Alright NumNums…this is your chance for redemption. You’re my BEST ANSWER to fighting types. CAN YOU COME THROUGH?
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! NUMNUMS ACTUALLY COMES THRO-
Screw you, Tropius.
(after about 4 minutes of spamming hypnosis+dreameater)
Well jeez, this has been a cakewalk so far.
…Not that I expected anything different.
You know, I’m contemplating making a joke about the lava, but Yuoaman already made a joke about that in his Quartz LP.
So it would seem like I’m copying him.
SIR YES SIR
Wait, why is that amusing?
…How did you find out that I’ve experimented with men?!
…Oh, you didn’t know that.
Well this is awkward.
(Disclaimer: I have never experimented with men in real life in any way, shape, or form. This statement is only to enhance the immature humor that is widely present in this LP.)
I love WOMEN’S GENITALS (trying to make it straight in here again).
…Yup. It’s officially straight in here again.
Okay, I swear, every member of the Fag 4 has extremely bizarre sexual innuendos present in their pre-battle comments.
Or maybe it’s just me.
****. The wall of all walls. The sponges of all sponges. The stone of all stones.
..I’m running out of things to describe Umbreon as…
Let’s look at Jessica Alba again.
Yep. There we go.
When in doubt, flinch hax. The golden rule of Pokemon.
Hey, guys, do you smell that?
That’s the smell of Bromar coming in to kick some ass.
Let me give you guys a simple mathematical formula here. Bromar
Equals dead Shiftry.
Alright NumNums. Here’s your second chance at redemption. CAN YOU DO IT?
Oh god. Looks like he’s failed once again
What’s this?! HE SURVIVED?!
This might just be the most epic picture of this entire LP.
Besides this one, of course:
All I gotta do is kill this little black bird and I’m home free!
Oh hells yes. I’m da winnar!
That’s right, you sick, exhibitionist, bondage-loving *****.
Which is why I’m using Tropius.
To very little effect.
Damn straight, woman.
Oh god. One more episode folks. You could cut the tension with a knife.
And that. that also cuts the tension.
Episode ?: The Episode Where I Revisit the Shiny Gold X Let’s Play And Beat Clair Through Enormous Amounts of Awesome Flatulence
Um, okay. I don’t even think I remember the controls anymore. WASD?
You know, who the hell put these here, and where does that guy get off?
You know, it really grinds my gears when random men just go and set boulders in a house full of Pokemon trainers in an attempt to hinder the Pokemon trainer. What’s the point? What does he gain from this? Is he trying to advertise against Pokemon battles in a building that advocates Pokemon battles? What is the goal here? And now we have nothing we can do except force our Pokemon into unfair labor, which probably defies some of the labor laws in place in today’s constitution, by making them move these boulders, which is probably very taxing and is definitely very cruel.
Oh for the love of GOD this sucks.
Hmm, I wonder what a really fast ice type can do against this slow, frail dragon type?
That. That is what really fast ice types do against slow, frail dragon types.
<.< Healing required. (little did I know I’d have to redo the boulder puzzle >_>)
No, you are the world’s best sucker of ****. Are you the one that put the boulders in here? Christ.
Then why aren’t you a member of this Elite Four, miss boulder pants?
So, do you listen to A-ha?
The sexual innuendos present right now are both alarming and amusing.
You know, it’s times like these that make me fear for my life. Let’s raise my spirits with this cool picture of a kangaroo:
Haven’t I killed like 11 of you already? You’re old news.
Rape, Pillage, Plunder!
Hey, that thing kinda looks like a kangaroo if you turn your head a little bit and close one eye and look through a kaleidoscope.
Well that’s not exactly what I wanted to happen. Curse you, Floating Kangaroo!
Here it comes.
^I’m not sure what the **** that is. I’m going with it.
Floating Kangaroos = ******s
That’s what I’m talking about. After all, I’m fairly sure alligators > kangaroos in the wild, right?
Unless it’s him. You don’t mess with that son of a *****.
Blasphemy! This isn’t going well at all.
That’s how my ass-gas rolls, *****.
Anything with king in its name HAS to be badass.
^ case in points. I’m screwed.
Dang it. I hate it when Hypnosis misses.
Let’s try this again, cause I don’t have a chance at beating that thing with anyone else.
*approximately twenty turns of eating dreams and stuff with the Kingdra using Rest a lot later…*
Are you joking, ho? You must be trippin’ on LSD or somethin’
What is this, the Karate Kid? Why am I going into mysterious “dragon dojos”
We all know how those karate kids turn out…
DRAGON FANG? OH GOD…what’s a Dragon Fang?
For the love of god, this LP will NEVER see its end.
I haven’t played this game in quite a long time.
Where was I again?
Either way, I don’t want to be sexually violated by Zubats, so let’s use one of these.
It appears I’ve discovered some sort of secret in the game!
Now if you go back to your hometown, talk to Professor Elm 74 times, immediately pause the game, save, turn off the game before saving, turn it back on, go to your box and withdraw a Krabby, go back to the same spot in the ice cave, find this message again, go back to Professor Elm 42 more times, then go to Violet City and talk to Falkner, he will give a level 9,001 MissingNo.
VITAMINZ and MINERULZ
Wow, you’re standing right in front of the exit of the Ice Path waiting for random strangers to come out?!
Well, I am.
Now shut the hell up.
Well, I guess…I’ll fight some trainers or somethin’.
BIG.LOAD doing what she does best:
Switching out and letting Quack do all the work.
OH MY GAAAWD IT’S SO FRUCKING CUTE!
BIG.LOAD has other things in mind for you.
RAPE, PILLAGE, and PLUNDER
To my Flatulence (joke’s getting old)
Why am I so f****** awesome?
It’s because BIG.LOAD is so freaking HARDCORE and she never cries for real.
As hilarious as having Lick on her moveset was, I do need to actually beat this game eventually…
Well, I guess I’m gonna give this a go.
I’m not surprised. I’m sure she’s heard about how wickedly powerful I am.
Not unless they used the cheat I discovered to get the lv. 9,001 MissingNo.
Why are the graphics in this place so hideous?
End of argument.
That’s how we do, BL.
RAPE, PILLAGE, PLUNDER
Harsh word choice, don’t you think?
Oh, cool. Rock smash…
…f*** me in the a** with a 12-inch dildo.
YES. LIKE THREE MONTHS AGO.
You should’ve given it to me a LOOONG time ago.
Can I use it on your testicles?
Oh hells yes.
OH GOD WHERE DID QUACK GO?
My policy is to RAPE, PILLAGE, and PLUNDER!
before I begin, I’d like to let everyone know that there is exactly 69 screenshots in this episode.
I don’t care if you’re homosexual.
Yeah, I generally like to think I’m in top 5 or so coolest people on the planet.
In fact, the top 5 goes like this:
2. Billy Murray
5. Bill Murray’s genitals
So yeah. That’s about right.
I sense a lame switch-flipping puzzle in my future.
Well, usually I spend my time turning on women, not machines.
…Meh, there’s a first time for everything, I suppose.
WHOAWTFBBQ THERE WAS A DOOR THERE A SECOND AGO
If Pokemon was cool, I would totally make Bromar burn this door down. But NOOOO I have to go push switches in some undisclosed order <_<
Mind = blown
If I put my mind to it, anything is possible!
…Except flight. And spontaneous combustion. Man, now I’m depressed v_v
Hmm? Perhaps you are referring to:
This delightful, family friendly, completely story driven Sylvester Stallone film that nobody has ever heard of?
I’m assuming this is for emergencies.
Fork over your forks!
Wait, what? Man, I’m really off my game today ._.
…Okay Sandslash, you’re learning one of the worst moves ever at level 42.
What kind of sick individual designed your level-up learnset?
Knowing Team Rocket, I’m sure you have some weird dominatrix stuff up your sleeve or something.
Oh, and here I thought I was finally gonna be able to progress without some idiot grunts getting in my way.
(if you don’t get the joke, it’s like the Shiftry got a boner)
(yes, I realize probably 99.9% of you will get the joke)
Whoa. You just got approximately 1.34 times more epic, Nummers.
Oh god. Please don’t tell me that’s who I think it is…
Oh god damn it.
Ouch. That was a pretty vicious burn.
He’s at a loss for words.
Is anybody surprised?
I didn’t think so.
What the hell. Why are they at such horrendously low levels?!
Oh for god sakes.
So, in other words, you guys are creepy stalkers?
FOR WHAT PURPOSE ARE YOU LAUGHING IN SUCH AN UNORTHODOX MANNER?!?!?!
It’s not like rescuing you has been my entire goal for the past seven and a half episodes (approximation).
What?! You mean there’s still more to do?!
Would I be letting a lot of people down if I comitted suicide right now?
OH, HEAVEN FORBID! IT’S NOT LIKE EVERY TRAINER IN THE UNIVERSE FORCES POKEMON TO BATTLE EACH OTHER. WHAT’S MORE CONTROLLING THAN THAT?
Oh, sorry, my caps lock was on. My bad everybody.
Sigh. More battling to do.
If I say no, do I have to battle you?
…Oh, who am I kidding? Yes.
Because you’re a SKANKY ***** with RED TEXT and a LOOSE VAGI-
Oh wait, people were giving me **** about censorship. Better leave that one out.
I’m known as HORSED1CK. Nice to meet you.
Ohhh, he’s dressed fancy. He must be better than everyone else.
Never mind, Bromar is just way too good for you.
It’s been extremely tedious, but yes.
Yeah, I like to consider myself as one of the top 5 trainers in the world.
Actually, the list goes like this:
1. Bill Murray
2. My hair
4. Bill Murray’s genitals
5. Bill Murray’s genitals when covered in sawdust
You may be asking, “what is that sawdust even doing?”
It adds, alright? It adds.
What exactly is he training for? Amateur porn? I mean, I guess Giovanni is pretty dang manly. I mean, just check out this insanely man-powered picture montage:
The manliest part is the part where he’s boxing a Chansey. I mean, seriously, that base 5 attack and defense must make it a pretty formidable opponent.
I’ve interfered with your plans like three times before. Why is anything different this time?
Well, I’m assuming this is the “last boss” of the rockets.
I doubt I’ll have any trouble.
I’m still not even sure what your “dream” was.
Don’t I get some sort of shiny medal? Or like, a couple million in cash?
Oh. Awesome. Instead I get a f****** colorful WING.
Well, time to go own Carlos.
WTF? That bastard! He knows I’m better than him now so he ran away!
Oh well. Into the ice caves!!
CHECK THAT **** OUT.
Wait, that’s a Farfetch’d, isn’t it? Damn it, Google image search. You’ve failed me again.
TAKE, O take those lips away
That so sweetly were forsworn,
And those eyes, the break of day,
Lights that do mislead the morn:
But my kisses bring again,
Seals of love, but seal’d in vain,
Seal’d in vain!
And as blood quickly rushed to my nether regions,
I knew I must capture this blessed creature
And thus, our hearts forever entertwined.
So long, Dizzit. It’s been a fun ride…
Oh, you might be wondering what I named her.
…what? It stands for BADASS INCENDIARY GRENADES LEAPING OVER ARID DESERTS
If you were thinking something else, you clearly have a perverted mind.
Oh yeah, by the way:
Unrelated depressing song that’s about people being faithful or something: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVs4jDL-JBo
Well, Carlos is a gay men lover, so let’s go destroy Team Rocket and then we’ll come kick his ass.
In the case of Jynx, they can also be sold into prostitution. But that’s completely unrelated.
Oh shut up with your imperative sentences and your red text and your Team Rocket…ness.
What the hell? I think you have a severe case of schizophrenia, ma’am.
I really just wanna shoot you in the face. With a firearm of some sort.
Cave = Radio Tower
It makes sense, if you think about it hard enough.
Well no ****, this tower is currently overrun by an evil crime organization, idiot.
<_< Nummers, you seriously need to start sucking less. That was just a couple Raticates.
I really hate Jigglypuff. Like, really.
…I’m just…gonna let this go for now.
Dang it. I was hoping for something useful.
No, Bill Murray is a true hero. I’m just a crazy sex addict like Tiger Woods.
Hell to the yeah.
This is a prime example of Dizzit pwning nubcakes with his godly powers.
Well, okay, just bend over and we’ll-
<_< Oh, you wanted a Pokemon battle. Of course.
HAY GUIZ, IF YOU TURN MUK’S NAME AROUND, U GET KUM.
…Well then, Muk is rather powerful.
…alright! Numnums, it’s time for your sorry ass to do work!
oh for god sakes.
Dizzit has to do all the work around here, doesn’t he?
Cute? Wtf is up with some of these people?
Oh dear. I can’t imagine what the Team Rocket initiation is like…
The initiation probably scared you to death. It’s understandable.
You, my friend, have a serious problem.
Quack gets to be the first member of my team to reach level 40, because he is one badass son-of-a-b.
…<_< These grunts are giving me some problems
What an idiot.
God damn it Flatulence. When are you gonna evolve into a Gengar?
LOLOLOLOL HE SAID DUTIES
Screw you Cacturne.
OMG PLOT TWIST
Holy jesus you guys are absolutely brilliant.
SHOW ME YOUR WAYS.
Well, yes, that’s apparently been my goal the entire time so far.
So, Team Rocket, the team you are currently working for, has a chance to, like, rule all of Johto, but you’re going to give me information that could potentially ruin your chances of doing this and all I have to do is beat you in a Pokemon battle?
Yeah, that’s logical.
lol @ stashed
Not only did you tell me where the director is, but you even gave me the key I need to go get him.
Dude, you haven’t done a single thing. I’ve done all the work. Now go screw yourself.
We’ll see about that.
Oh, good! So does that mean you have a good credit score?
Check that place out, I heard it’s like the best of the best when it comes to credit scores!
dun dun dun
The fact that I’m still underleveled is simply baffling.
oh **** it’s skarmory
That’s right, *****.
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN
His last Pokemon…
Because you suck. Obviously.
The level of idiocy in this update is like, through the roof.
<_< Well, first of all, Sableye and Meganium blow, so you’re very incorrect in that statement.
You have to feed them and have sex with them daily. Otherwise, they get angry and don’t perform to their maximum potential.
AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!
..seriously, get on with it, Douche.
You also lack a decent hairstyle. I suggest a strawberry blonde :3
No. You REALLY need to just quit to prevent further embarrassment.
<_< right then.
Well, thank god he’s gone. We’ll finish up Team Sucket in the next episode. Peace nubs.
You look hot.
Very banga-CYBIL? What kind of name is that?!
HA. HA. SUCK IT BUTTERFREE. HA. YOU CAN’T HIT ME.
NumNums just tripled in coolness.
Would you bang that for a rare Pokemon?
Oh come on Flatulence, Rhyhorn isn’t that scary.
Back off, NumNums is MY fruit tree.
So what? It’s a f@*$(#! Poliwag.
My Carlos senses are tingling. Perhaps I’ll see him soon…(not foreshadowing)
I can tell you’re slightly homosexual by you looking at me in such a manner.
Okay Flatulence, this time I don’t blame you for being scared.
Do you know about MY GENITALS?
Wait…IS THAT CARLOS?!?!?@
Agh…Carlos got to him…I was too late…
I’ve been told.
I’ll call Bill Murray! He’ll know what to do!
“BILL! IT’S CARLOS! WHAT DO I DO?!?”
…Bill! That’s terrible advice!
o.o maybe Jynx is there…
I have to go.
HE’S JUST TOO SCARY
Whew. Okay. I have to do this.
Let’s put Quack up front. Logical choice, right?
Dude when he laughed like that my face was like: http://myfacewhen.com/248/
Well. You cheated.
You probably sucked Pryce off and got the badge that way.
Not if I kidnap you and keep you in my basement first!
al;kdjfasl;dfjsdkfjaslfdj WHAT IS THAT THING AND WHY IS IT LEVEL 48???
…………..I hate you.
One down, four to go.
You’re really starting to get on my nerves, Carlos.
Oh, blow me.
Oh god. Let’s do this, NumNums.
I was basically taking this to show you all how NumNums only did like SIX DAMAGE. YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHI-
I’m sorry Nummers. I overreacted. It won’t happen again I swea-
Okay, we’re still doing good here.
…oh. Yawn. Excellent.
Ha! Take that!
……..it was asleep for one turn. ONE. TURN.
NUMNUMS, I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL SEVER YOUR BANANAS.
And I mean the fruit. I’m not that sadistic.
Sigh. I’m not gonna need some support.
This is as unenjoyable as testicular cancer.
CARLOS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR FAMILY. I SWEAR. TO GOD.
You’re my only hope, Nummers. Like, srsly.
OH. MY. GOD.
Oh, that was decent damage. Do that again.
Please. For the love of god. Kill the Slowking.
…Miltank? That can’t be too difficult, can it?
Time to rock and roll.
YOU ****ING **** *** DRINKING BASTARD COW ****ER DICK SUCKING ******* EATING ****ER **** BASTARD *****.
You’re my only hope. *prays*
**** **** **** **** **** ****
This ain’t over, Carlos. I’ll be back.